Paul Georges . Alterego Construction

I’ve got so much to say and so little time to do so! That’s when bullet lists come in handy! Here goes (I’ll develop on these things when I get the time):

• Pies are cheap here. So is Thai food; GOOD Thai food for like 6 bucks a pop.
• The Newtown district of Sydney is the most amazing I’ve been in a long time. Photos to come.
• Sydney’s Victorian-style old terraces are beautiful. Imagine small roads lined with them, covered by leafy palm trees and other vegetation. They are the kind of houses that you would want to sneak around as a little bird and spy on the folks living there and check out how they live and what kind of artwork the like and hang on their walls.
• There is so much amazing Aussie music to discover. I should have bought tickets to HomeBake. I’m getting to know all kinds of amazing new bands and shows. I’ve already booked one venue. Can’t wait. If you’re curious, check out “Angus and Julia Stone”, “Josh Pyke”, “Pnau”. All different styles ranging from folk to electro.
• It’s always sunny here but it gets cold at night and in the morning in Winter (which is the present season). Temperatures during the day are wonderful at the moment… can be compared to early Summer back home. Jeans/t-shirt kind of weather.
• Sydney kids dress well… like really well. I’m living in the University district at the moment so there are lots of young people around. But everywhere I’ve gone yet I see guys and girls alike, dressed from head to toe in trendy threads. Very cool stuff.
• The city is uber gay. This being said, I haven’t even been to the gay part of town yet (although Newtown is well known for hosting the lesbian crowd and tends to attract Sydney’s eclectic crew).
• People here are quite green-driven which is really nice to say. Got to go to the “Live Green” festival taking place in Victoria Park (which has a rockin’ outdoor pool like at Parc Jean-Drapeau) near Sydney University. For those interested in sustainable development (développement durable) go check out Sydney’s promise for 2030: http://www.cityofsydney.nsw.gov.au/2030/. Enjoy.
• There are a couple of Universities in Sydney. The only I’ve been around is University of Sydney and it is wonderfully arranged. Modern yet classic. Alouette.
• The only thing really more expensive here compared to Québec is accommodation. Everything else is on par. People lie.
• Café culture is a reality here; finally… I get to live in a city!
• Art galleries and expositions! Tonnes and tonnes!

All this being said… I’ve hardly seen anything of the city yet. I’ve pretty much been around the Inner West district which is the one that interested me the most. I’ve still got Central Sydney and the touristic places (think The Rocks, think Opera House, think Harbour Bridge) to visit, not to mention the beaches!

There’s lots of stuff to be seen and thankfully, I’ve learned a lot from last time abroad. Time is precious… you never have enough time to see everything. So I’ve promised to get my shit together and organize my time and plan in advance (I know you’re all saying I’ll never make it but I will (Djou, je tuerais pour voir ta face de pet en train lire ça)). There are lots of cities around that I wanna get acquainted with, lots of national parks that I want to go trekking at, lots of gigs to catch, lots of restaurants to experience, etc. etc.

All this being said, I miss you guys a lot and wish you were around to live this with me and also to have a bit of support when I’m not feeling a+ health-wise. Speaking of health… rest assured, what I’ve come down with is more than likely not related to my previous Myocarditis. However, I still don’t know what it is. I’m totally functional and can get everything done normally, but these pains are still lingering but are more annoying and worrying than they are painful. So yeah… I miss you guys. Hopefully I’ll get to see you guys around here in the coming year… I don’t expect anyone to come, but if you ever do, I promise you will have a great time.

It’s 6 in the morning. Still jetlagged a bit hehe. It’s almost a good thing if it gets me used to a routine of early-waking! That would be awesome.

Sur ce, wishing you guys the best from here in Sydney. Much love. Looking forward to hearing from you guys and gals, no matter what the medium. I’m on Skype and MSN all the time, being the Internet whore I am. Otherwise, for those interested, my new Aussie mobile number is +61 0402095602. Be good!

Hey folks,

I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time now. A blog post that is worth posting. My theory about being abroad was right after all… blogging from home is just boring and no fun whatsoever. Being away definitely brings out the need for me to kinda brainstorm about what’s been going on and eventually spew it out onto this virtual canvas. Can’t help but admit that this feels nice; I really missed blogging.

So yeah. I’ve landed Down Under in Sydney a couple of days ago. I’ve hardly had time to take anything in unfortunately because the arrival has been quite hectic for a bunch of reasons, notably, because of health concerns (see post below). For the non-frenchies, basically I had a weird incident with a rare cardiac disease called Myocarditis a few months back. A day before my departure for Oz I was having some strange pains in my chest… nothing like last time. I just thought it was just anxiety and that it was completely normal so I kinda of let it slide (bravisimo Paul). Just so happens that the pains were still hanging around on the plane and are still going on at this very moment. Now…

So this is where the story continues for those who are up to date. I went into the hospital today at Royal Prince Alfred here in Darlington which is where I’m staying (at an AIESECer called Jonothan’s place) (who is totally awesome) (thank you Jono)! I’ve never been so well received at a hospital before in my entire life. I didn’t know efficient hospitals like this one ever existed except in theoretical left-winged fairy-tales. The lowdown: you arrive, you fill out a form, do triage with a nurse. BAM, you’re being monitored, tests are being done, you see the doc. The results are back. They let you go (thankfully). All the staff were absolutely amazing and just so friendly. I couldn’t help but thank everyone personally afterwards, especially given that the results of my tests came back fine on every level: ECG was fine, chest x-rays were fine, all the blood tests were fine (cardiac enzymes, sedimentation, blah blah blah). So I’m heading back tomorrow for a few other tests, most importantly, an echo cardiogram (which is the most enjoyable test ever, in a strange gooey kind of way). I swear it’s a wicked awesome test. You get to see your heart come up on a super techno screen in all kinds of flashy colors. Just great. hehe Well… that being said, things are really looking up. I’m looking forward to totally getting rid of this condition whatever it be, as soon as possible in order to start taking fully advantage of my time in Sydney. Hooray for staying a year and not 3 months or something.

Now that the health topic has been taken care of, I can talk about the rest. First of all: AIESEC! AIESEC, AIESEC, AIESEC! I’ve never met so many awesome, talented, sweet, friendly and helpful individuals in so little time. Lucy, who is in charge of ICX here at Sydney and who raised the TN I’m taking part in, came to get me first thing in the morning at the airport alongside Florencia. Wonderful people. They showed me around the U of Sydney area which is just amazing. The campus is simply beautiful… makes Université Laval’s campus look like such a farce (once again… does this sound familiar? Linköping?). The vegetation here is so different from what I’ve seen before and is really a sight for sore eyes. Parks are everywhere. Two thumbs up.

I also got to go around a district nearby called Newtown. All I can say is “wow” and I’m sure that the folks that have been to Sydney before agree. Tonnes of cafés, hip shops, cheap restaurants; the kind of place you can walk around all day just window shopping armed with only a latté. I’m really looking forward to getting to know the neighborhood more.

The girls then dropped me off at Jonathan’s place who has been taking me in for the last two nights: THANK YOU JONO. Jono’s been so hospitable in all respects… I owe him a lot. Sames goes out to Anastasia, possibly AIESEC Sydney’s new LCP, who has been just incredible. On top of it all, they make quite an explosive duo.

I’m looking forward to getting the hang of the city as a whole. I’ve haven’t been out much for reasons mentioned beforehand. Things will start getting interesting soon enough once the health issues are settled and the other misc. stuff is taken care of: cell phone, bank account, place to stay, etc. I start work straight off the bat on Tuesday so I don’t have much time to waste. Looking very forward to that as well.

I got to meet some work colleagues, interns and other fellow AIESECers on the night I arrived. Once again, everyone I met was just amazing; each had so much to say and their own different story to tell which just so happened to be as interesting as the next. We all went out to a really sketchy place called Jackson’s on George which is downtown. Lots of drunken Aussies getting really naughty on a small dance floor playing outdated pop music (horribly mixed too), lots of drunken Aussies hailing cabs (or at least trying to) and almost getting run over in the process, lots of drunken Aussies screaming and yelling and going fuckin’ nuts. Supposedly it’s not at all the norm thankfully. Alouette.

Otherwise, the city is beautiful. The old terrace houses of Redfern are just so my thing. Try visualizing a colonial English version of St-Jean Baptiste in Québec City. You can imagine that I’m pretty much in heaven. Most terraces have leafy backyards with tonnes of Christmas lights and junk hanging around. The place where I’m staying at the moment is pretty much the perfect place for me. I’ve been no where else yet but it’s just ideal… amazing flatmates with social conscience, artwork everywhere, polished hard-wood floors, lots of “cachet,” close to the station that I need to take to get to work, close to parks, close to cafés, close the everything. Can I ask for more?

So there you have it. It’s 6AM in the morning at the moment. I’m pretty much sleepless, jetlagged and attempting to relate to every word spoken by Nada Surf to my ear. It’s going to be a rough day hehe.

More news to come! Check back often. Really looking forward to reading comments but no worries, I expect none! hehe I’ve learned a lot from my last trip abroad!

Cheers!

Salut gang!

Un court email pour vous dire un gros allo de l’Australie. Je suis rentré à Sydney hier matin (donc le 16 au matin, où est passé mon vendredi?) et puis tout c’est déroulé comme il faut. Le vol était long en maundit et j’ai eu un peu de retard sur deux vols mais enfin, tout est beau. La ville est absolument malade; grand, urbain, vieux par bout et nouveau ailleurs, la végétation est débile, les gens sont fous raides, et putain qu’il fait froid. Trop trop fou; je m’attendais pas à ça du tout! Je vais devoir m’acheter une bonne veste lol. Donc, la gang de Québec, le rashguard c’est pas pour un bon petit bout que vous allez me voir avec ça sur le dos en photos puahaha.

Donc voilà… j’adore ça ici. Les gens de l’AIESEC (l’organisme avec lequel j’ai eu la chance de partir) sont super accueillants et tellement là pour moi. Je restes présentement chez un des gars qui fait partie de AIESEC Sydney et puis demain je vais chez une des filles (Noémie, tu aimerais tellement tout le monde; une gang de crinqués c’est fou, vraiment vraiment génial). Donc je vais éventuellement avoir ma propre place à rester. Je travails là dessus en ce moment. Je crois que ça va être toute une tâche.

Autrement, petit hic de santé, j’ai des petites pressions au chest qui m’empêche d’apprécier l’expérience à 100%. Je vais rentrer à l’hôpital aujourd’hui pour voir c’est quoi exactement. Je croyais que c’était juste une petite crise d’anxiété au début mais là c’est claire que c’est autre chose. En toute honnêteté, je ne crois pas que c’est relié à ma myocardite que j’ai fait quelques mois passés. En gros… si c’est relié à la myocardite, je vais rentrer chez moi pour arranger tout ça (vedge hein?). Autrement, je vais arranger ça ici. Je trouves ça super dull et c’est du TRÈS mauvais timing étant donné que les derniers mois ont été supers côté santé. Donc je vous donne des nouvelles aussitôt. Croisez vos doigts pour moi SVP.

Donc voilà des petites nouvelles de moi à l’autre bout du monde. Envoyez-moi un mail quand vous auriez le temps! Je vous aime fort.

 Funny how everything comes full circle… this post was previously made almost exactly two years ago… just before leaving for Sweden.

Bright Eyes - Nothing Gets Crossed Out

Well the future’s got me worried
Such awful thoughts
My head’s a carousel of pictures
The spinning never stops
I just want someone to walk in front
And I’ll follow the leader

…
Now I’m trying to be assertive
I’m making plans
Going to rise to the occasion, yeah
Meet all their demands
But all I do is just lay in bed
And hide under the covers

Yeah, I know I should be brave
But I’m just too afraid of all this change

And it’s too hard to focus
Through all this doubt
I keep making these to-do lists
But nothing gets crossed out
Working on the record seems pointless now
When the world ends, who’s gonna hear it?

…

Because I been feeling sentimental
For days gone by
All the summers singing, drinking, my friend
Wasting our time
Remember all the songs and the way we smiled
In those basements made of music

But now I’ve got to crawl to get anywhere at all
I’m not as strong as I thought

So when I’m lost in a crowd
I hope that you’ll pick me out
How I long to be found
The grass grew high, I laid down
Now I’m waiting for a hand
To lift me up, help me stand
I’ve been laying so low
Don’t want to lay here no more

Don’t want to lay here no more
Don’t want to lay here no more
Don’t want to lay here no more

Everything that happens
Is supposed to be
And it’s all predetermined
Can’t change your destiny
Guess I’ll just keep moving
Someday maybe I’ll get to where I’m going

This was written a long time ago… things are going so much better since and I’m extremely grateful that things turned out the way they did. Here goes nothing:

Just one week ago Frédérique (vraiment un gros merci chérie) drove me to St-François d’Assise hospital in Québec City. I’m not a big fan of hospitals.

My mom, who I was talking with on the phone, would not have allowed me to stay home given the symptoms I was trying to describe to her. Mothers will always be mothers. You can’t ask a mom to not be overprotective or to not want the best for her children. Turns out that her advice was right on and that she knew what was best for me from the start. Thanks Mom. Really.

Thankfully the nurse in charge of sorting that night quickly realizes that this 23 year old male showing cardiac arrest symptoms and who just so happened to be in the best shape of his life was not the typical patient stopping by the hospital to inquire about a runny nose. She immediately gets me to see a doctor, sending me off to room 6. I walk by all the nurses, naturally holding my chest and left arm alternatively. They are all so friendly. I can’t help but appreciate their presence and feel safe. The doctor walks in wearing Crocs… so cliché I figure. He does his primary examinations, asks his typical questions and for some reason has trouble believing that I’ve not taken any drugs in a while. He gives me a couple of pills. I take them and end up falling asleep on the paper covered bed. When I wake up the pain is gone. All is well that ends well. He announces that my pains are just muscular and that they will pass. I come back at him, mentioning the pains in my left arm. He stops, ponders and decides that maybe I should get some blood tests done. Thankfully he did, because my cardiac enzyme level ended up being comparable to someone who had just fallen into cardiac arrest. Life’s surprises, exposed.

First time getting blood tests. First time getting ECGs done. First time in an emergency room with a couple of young overworked nurses running around on their night shifts. First time actually thinking that I may be dying… and the worst part is, it didn’t even scare me all that much. No nurse or doctor seemed to have a clue about what was happening to my heart and why it was producing enzymes overtime. This didn’t necessarily help make me feel very comfortable with what was going on. The hypothesized before me: heart malformation, perforated lung, a few too many diagnoses which I did not understand nor care for. I just wanted to see a familiar face next to my hospital bed… everything is put into perspective when you get the impression that you are possibly dying. I know that sounds extremely dramatic and exaggerated… I have tendencies towards both. Nevertheless, being alone in a hospital, with a painful heart condition is pretty scary. Simply put.

I actually got some sleep that night. Somehow.

The next morning I passed a handful of tests. None hardly as scary as they sound. The verdict: viral myocarditis. That link is definitely worth checking out.

Chanceux dans sa malchance… I’m alive and doing relatively well. It’s been a week now. My last surge of unbearable pain dates back to two nights ago. Since then, I’ve been sleeping well. If everything goes smoothly, I should be back in business in another week or so.

So the plot has unfolded. No story comes without an underlying theme, a moral, a happy ending.

Life is precious; so many realize it too late. We are born to die but we will never be ready to accept its coming unless we’ve lived our lives without regret. It’s easy to forget about this. It’s easy to get caught up in our work, in our routine.

Re-reading my posts, I’ve come to the conclusion that I could write Emo lyrics better than I could possibly ever write an interesting book. Quite pathetic…

I find myself currently incapable of getting a seconds worth of sleep. Usually listening to my “Fall Music” playlist on my iPod does the trick and sends me off to dreamland but tonight not even the comforting melodramatic music of this given list can help me find the shuteye that I need. Things have been sketchy and quite volatile lately: things normally are when I decide to post on my blog. As I said in my last post, this blog is always around, patiently waiting, when I need to get something off my chest and let everyone in the world read (maybe even feel) what I’m going through.

As of late, the days have been long yet short, uninteresting most of the time. I have been accordingly unproductive on pretty every level of my daily life. I’ve actually made a routine of waking up at 11h in the morning and having breakfast for dinner. I sometimes even have breakfast for supper (but that’s not because I wake up late, simply because I have a horrible, HORRIBLE, diet)! Music keeps me alive. So does the gym.

I have to work. I have to travel. I have to be happy. I have to be a good friend. I have to be a good boyfriend. I have to be a good son. I don’t want to die regrets.

Sounds pretty heavy doesn’t it… These thoughts prance loudly through my mind and tap dance on my heart on a daily basis, all day long, as if trying to get me to wake up and live my fucking life before its too late. I know that I have the potential to accomplish and uphold all these objectives and self-imposed promises. Yet, I’m doing nothing to get shit done. A lack of will power? A lack of interest? A lack of confidence? Or maybe even a combination of the above mentioned hypotheses. Sometimes I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me! I want to accomplish so many things. I get psyched just thinking about all the things I’m meant to do. I get the impression I can do everything. I begin taking these things on and in the end, I get nothing done. No advancement. Stuck at square one… Maybe the ideal solution would be to take everyday one minute at a time and to breathe fluently instead of gasping for air.

“It’s a long way from the Moon up to the Sun,
It’s a longer road ahead of me, the road that I’ve begun,
Stop to think of all the time I’ve lost,
Start to think of all the bridges that I’ve burned that must be crossed”
Switchfoot - Home

“Amazing still it seems
I’ll be 23
I won’t always love what I’ll never have
I won’t always live in my regrets

You’ll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I’m here I’m now I’m ready
Holding on tight
Don’t give away the end
The one thing that stays mine”
Jimmy Eat World - 23

It’s been a while. This blog is always where I left it last when I urgently need to talk and get everything out of my system.

Things have been moving lately but unfortunately have been going nowhere, fast. I’m working a nine-to-five job selling expensive consumer electronics to people, young and old, armed with their credit cards, that make themselves feel better by appeasing their false needs created by media and marketing schemes. They, much like myself, are quite pathetic: I’m a consumer just like all of them, like the general public which I tend to discredit and jeer at. On top of it all, I’m the one selling them the shit that they don’t need. Let’s just say that I’m not the best of vendors because I’m just too fucking honest. I get frustrating seeing teenagers endebting themselves just to impress their friends or to satisfy their self-imposed materialistic needs.

Everyone reading this, don’t shop at Futureshop! Most of the clerks are uneducated (even in their department) and most importantly, most are out to get you. Do you know what the vendor that sells you your 42″ inch LCD screen along with its complete package and an extended warranty does after he completes his sale and politely carries everything to your car. He checks his report and cheers at the fact that he just made sixty bucks on the back of a client who didn’t need the majority of what one bought. Even worst, then he goes into the lunchroom and compares his daily numbers to his equivalently idiotic colleague who then graciously finish the conversation with a high five. Congratulations guys, you’re now officially a pair of assholes with no future (future, Futureshop, get it?)!

So that’s been the last few weeks. Getting used to a work environment which happens to be the exact contrary of what I’m used to (think Ubisoft, think Frima Studio). Dumb, dumb, dumb! I should have an internship but I royally fucked up. However, I do strongly believe that nothing happens for nothing…

Not that my days have been bad or anything but I’ve had two excellent (see extraordinary) days this week. Last night I got to see my gay idol Owen Pallett live on stage at Le Cercle (previously Galerie Rouje). I know that at every show I see, I tend spread my review through screams and yells and hoots, letting everyone know that it was the best show I’ve ever seen in my entire life. This time is no different… but this time I truly mean it.

Owen Pallett is a God among men. I’m serious. This man has composed all of his refreshing material himself, not to mention all of Arcade Fire’s string arrangements as well. He has incredible presence even though he doesn’t tend to say much on stage except “thank you” before passing to the next masterpiece. He smiles during his songs… how many artists have you seen live who smile while playing their instrument. Only once you’ve seen Final Fantasy live can you understand how organized, prepared and confident Owen Pallett is.

On top of it all, the Québec crowd was actually quite good for once. Attentive as usual, except during the opening acts which were both excellent although different. Le Cercle is a totally intimate environment and is just perfect for receiving artists such as Owen and his friends. All in all, wonderful gig… goosebumps have never been so pleasant.

“Half in love with this, half in love with that,
Nothing but a change of heart to set you back…”
New Buffalo - City and Sea

Is it normal to get intense chills run down your spine at a concert? Goosebumps throughout an entire gig? Tears in your eyes when a first snow falls upon a city that you absolutely adore? To fall in love through song? To smile at strangers just hoping that they respond positively? To sing along to one’s favourite song as passerbys stare? The list goes on and on…

I tend to be very emotional… my faggy side enjoys making itself present from time to time.

I don’t know what else to write… everything is coming out wrong tonight.

I was looking for enlightenment… but nothing came and no one could help. No enlightenment… however, I do have light. You can’t even imagine how much these tiny aluminum cups filled with wax mean to me Greg… from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Walking down St-Jean I found myself. I found myself in every single person walking down that one way street. I could not help but be frightened. Everyone looked like me. Everyone was dressed like me. Same haircut. Same shoes. Do they think like me? Are they pleased with the way they are living? Do I wish I could be like them: out on a Saturday night stroll to a familiar place filled with boring familiar faces. Happy-go-lucky. Not a worry in the world. Ignorance is bliss.

“In joy and pain each one will grow
For wisdom is so much more than what we know
And every child will find their way
Of living the whole life story day by day”
The Cinematic Orchestra - Time and Space

Are both necessary? How far ahead is it? Which way? Is it truly whole?

Come next week, my brother and his girlfriend (who I now consider to be part of my close family) will no longer be living in Québec City. It’s a strange feeling to lose those that you love without really losing them. Their departure makes me want to leave as well. To discover something new. In my honest opinion, we, as humans, were not meant to be sedentary. If we were, then I must be terrible failure to society. Everyone seems to be moving, whether it be to discover or to return to that which is known and safe, tried and true.

You never know what you have until it’s gone. I can’t help but think retrospectively sometimes and wonder how life would have been if I would have been more present in the lives of those that I love. If I would have worked harder at school. If I would never have come back from Sweden.

Sometimes it feels like I’ve not really accomplished anything truly gratifying since I’ve come to Québec. I have not really accomplished anything special in quite a long time. I walked at eight months, I must have talked but a month or so later. I have an amazing family and the world’s best friends. I’ve gotten everything I could have ever possibly wanted handed to me on a fucking silver platter. All this, yet, I have not accomplished anything. Everything on my side, yet I still feel like a useless nobody with nothing to share, nothing to give and nothing to be proud of. I can’t believe how totally pathetic I sound… what a fucking disgrace.

Don’t leave me alone. It’s the cause of all this.